Demi Lovato experienced "survivors' guilt" after she overdosed in 2018.
The 29-year-old singer opened up about forgiveness while speaking about her upcoming album "HOLY FVCK" in a new interview with Apple Music's Zane Lowe.
Lovato, who recently added back the pronouns she/her, suffered an overdose in 2018. Following the near-fatal moment, the former Disney star woke up in an intensive care unit with an extensive recovery process in front of her. Lovato suffered "three strokes, a heart attack and organ failure" and was legally blind at first.
Despite being alive, her survival made her feel guilty as she thought about the friends, including Mac Miller who died from an overdose in 2019, she has lost.
DEMI LOVATO UPDATES PRONOUNS TO INCLUDE SHE/HER AGAIN: ‘I’M SUCH A FLUID PERSON'
"I've made friends of all ages. I've lost friends of - I've lost friends that were around my age and those hurt so deeply because we've been in the trenches together," she told Lowe.
"You addressed this on ‘Dead Friends.’ It's a song that ultimately addresses survivor's guilt," Lowe interjected.
"I had a lot of survivor's guilt after my overdose," Lovato continued. "Because, you know, right after that Mac Miller died, and it just put everything into perspective for me of like that could have been you. That almost was you and … how are you going to live your life now."
"It affected me a lot."
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When Lovato came out of rehab, she set out on a journey to heal her personal trauma and rebuild her relationship with her family and friends.
"With time, comes trust," she told Lowe on rebuilding relationships. "I never have come out of treatment, I mean, maybe the first time, expecting people to trust me right away. It was a learning experience of, OK, people are going to have to learn to trust you again. The only way they can do that is by you proving yourself and not just talking, but taking actions that are towards your recovery."
Lovato explored her struggle with addiction and rehab experience while writing her eighth studio album, "HOLY FVCK." The pop star released the single "29" earlier this week ahead of the full album release on Aug. 19.
"Everything that I write about comes from personal experiences, and I had gone through a rough time last year," she explained to Lowe. "And I went back to treatment, and when I came out, I had all of this unresolved trauma that I hadn't dealt with or that I started to deal with in treatment. And then when I came out, I was like, 'It's OK to be angry and feel those things.'"
"So when I was making the album, in the first week, I had a lot of anger, and I think it showed in a lot of the songs, 'Freak,' 'Heaven,' ‘Eat Me.’"
As she moved through the process, she began to explore her "sexuality" with her music.
"Towards the end, you've got love songs," she said.
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